Where I’ve Been
It has been quite some time since I’ve even looked at my blog, let alone written for it. This is because I’ve been going through some rough patches over the past few months. I recently got out of a four year relationship with someone who I thought I was going to marry, and spend the rest of my life with. But, sadly, he didn’t feel the same way. The breakup was a lot messier than it had to be, but what made things worse was that my ex started dating a new girl almost immediately after our breakup. After four years, he moved on in two weeks…with a girl he had been talking to for almost a year.
It’s been a dark, frustrating time – I will admit that. I’ve been kind of going on a loop of I’m doing okay and tumbling down into depression. I made the mistake of trying very hard to avoid my feelings and it honestly made everything worse for a little bit. I wouldn’t do my homework because it was too much alone time and it gave me too much time to think, so instead I settled for going to a party and drinking with my friends almost every night. I surrounded myself with people, which can be a good thing of course, but I did it in a way so I wouldn’t have to think about the pain I was in. Because of this, I would have random outbursts of crying, hatred, etc. I would randomly explode emotionally and I would try and bury those emotions some more with even more drinking.
Thankfully, I have stepped away from that, and now only try and go out once a week because I do believe that having a social life and going out with friends is good and an essential part of the healing process, but sadly, because of my bad decisions, my grades took a little bit of a hit. I struggled to catch up over the last few weeks because there’s nothing like waiting until the last three weeks of school to try and fix everything. Luckily, with a lot of help from some professors and a few all-nighters, I did manage to salvage my grades and only ended the semester with two B’s, which keeps my GPA at a 3.7.
What’s Next For Me
So what am I going to be doing. I have created a brand new YouTube account Novelistic Beauty since my old account, 1) had a lot of ghost followers from having it for 3 years and 2) too much of my family and hometown friends found out about the account and since it was brought up to me so much (and usually in a negative light), it caused me to be too anxious and I stopped making videos because of it. This new YouTube channel will have a little bit of everything. My love of books is significant in my life (hence the novelistic part of the name) but so is everything makeup and beauty (which is the second part). It will be part BookTube, part beauty, part everything in between. Basically, I’m just going to post what makes me happy, because being happy is something I’m really focusing on lately.
I also created a new twitter account (@NovelisticPages) too because of, 1) ghost followers and 2) once again, too many people had access to this account. I’m basically starting all over when it comes to the internet world. I really missed making YouTube videos so I thought this was the best way. I also want to continue with my Bookstagram account (@NovelisticPages) because I haven’t posted since late October, simply because I haven’t been home and haven’t had time.
I also will go back to blogging. I’m now able to spend a little more time in alone, so I would love to really kick start my blog in 2017. I’m not going to aim too high at first because I know it won’t be easy for me, but I would love to post at least twice a month to start off.
While I will be running my new YouTube channel and this blog, I’m mainly focusing on using 2017 to become mentally and physically healthier. Since the breakup, I have gained back all weight I have lost in the past year and I definitely have been at an all-time low emotions wise. I just ordered a Blogilates fitness planner and have purchased a few recipe books to start a healthier lifestyle. I know it won’t be easy, especially with how bad my eating habits are, but I’m hoping to put myself on a strict system, where I won’t even be able to purchase any unhealthy foods.
2017 will be my year. I will go through my ups and downs, and I will laugh and cry and create millions of memories, but I will make sure that my year will be lived, and I want to accomplish so much with my school, career, and social media accounts. It’s going to be a long journey, but I’m excited to see where my life is heading.